fukkkres:

when ur eating dinner at your friends house

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and their parents start arguing

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and you want to ask for the salt

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but the salt is right in between their upcoming divorce

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(via ahoyimpaige)

ralphwigguum:

all these people falling in love with chris pratt now that he’s in shape smh

always remember chubby pratt

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(via nwtsfw)

gymleaderfrank:

"Hey can I look at your phone?"
“Yeah let me just finish this text.”
*deletes 200 selfies*

(Source: patarnon, via distraction)

If My Dog Could Talk
Dog: WAT DOING
Me: Nothing. I just stood up.
Dog: WHERE GO
Me: I'm literally walking 3 feet away. I'm not even leaving the room.
Dog: CAN I COME
Me: I mean sure but I'm literally just-
Dog: I COME TOO
Dog: WAT DOING
Me: I need to open this door.
Dog: I HALP
Me: No but you're in front of the door. Move please.
Dog: I HALP
Me: Sigh.
Dog: WHERE GOING
Me: I am going right back to the exact place I was sitting a second ago.
Dog: CAN I COME
Me: Sure.
Dog: I SIT IN LAP
Me: No please don't you are-
Dog: I SIT IN LAP
Me: No there's no room and-
Dog: LAP
Me: No, sit on the floor and I'll pet you.
Dog: RIGHT HERE
Me: That's literally on top of my leg.
Dog: IT'S PERFECT PET ME
Me: I am petting you. One second, let me just grab my glass-
Dog: PET ME PET ME PET ME PET ME
Me: I literally am petting you, I just needed a drink-
Dog: PET ME PET ME PET ME PET ME
Me: I AM
Dog: I SIT IN LAP
Dog: PET ME PET ME PET ME
Dog: HOLD SLOBBER TOY
Dog: SNEEZE IN UR FACE
Me: .......

50shadesoftobias:

When we say we want a book as a movie we mean a six hours long one with every single detail of the book on it Is it so hard to understand?

(via koalugh)

anxietyflowers:

I hate feeling this way

septembersmemories:

I’m such an idiot

(Source: savgallup, via anxietyflowers)